"To Love or not"

"To Love or not"

An unpaid leave and that too for a month has such unexpected perks that you have too much time to watch, read and do multiple tasks other than what you actually took leave for. 

But keeping the guilt aside, I am here to address the constant dilemma which my mind ends up facing. It is the eternal question which I have asked, told and analysed from years and resisted it. It is "To Love or not".

A table of pros and cons of this eternal question can help us view this dilemma objectively. To not love, would protect your heart from heartbreaks (which are bound to happen), your friend's won't be have to be there to hear your sobbing stories and stop you from going back to your ex or even a distant crush,  rather you would be doing these pleasurable acts and feeling wise (inside your heart and head) , you will have so much time and the fight against patriarchy will seem simple.

But then someday, what if you decide to love? Immaterial of how it would turn out and the perfect/imperfect person you have chosen to shower your emotions with, even if it is love or not, then what would happen?

Will you become weak and vulnerable? Will you let your guards down and get disappointed and would be indulging in the same vicious circle you have seen people doing? What if that dreadful word "heartbreak" arrives surprisingly one day and you would be at the receiving or giving ( in no particular order)  end of all the wisdom you enlightened your friends with? 

It will be so enlightening . It will makes us realise that those acts by our dear and closed ones were humane . We would understand that those emotions and acts made them a person who was in love, infatuation, obsession or whichever word we can choose to call that particular emotion that filled their hearts with. That our closed ones have become wiser now. Now they know how to choose a person and what to bear and where to finish . That the fight against patriarchy cannot be a mere discussion with friends of same or opposite gender. The discussion has to be accompanied with action and this, this very action will not just magically pop up like a shooting star , but it will come slowly, perhaps much slowly than they and you believed  that it would. It will have to have some amount of love they choose to give to other person but love will have to be there. The absence of love would derive and  stop the real wisdom one can receive because we can read and give wisdom but we ourselves will have to sink in the feeling to let the wisdom touch our heart. The wisdom we have convinced ourselves with,  that love is just another distraction, that it is too much hard work to be at the giving end of love and the biggest question, what if it fails and we indulge in acts that we thought we never would, what would happen then?

Then, my sweetheart, we would forgive ourselves with time, muster the courage and perhaps, love again.