One True Thing

   "No matter how well we eventually come to understand our parents, our deepest feelings about them are formed at a time when we are young and have incomplete information. “One True Thing” is about a daughter who grows up admiring her father and harboring doubts about her mother, and finds out she doesn't know as much about either one as she thinks she does"-
 Roger Ebert's review of One True Thing

Last month I watched the movie "One true thing" because my latest fetish is to watch Meryl Streep movies . This is so because I saw Julie & Julia and could not help but be charmed by her ability to sink in the role she was portryaing, her smile, her cheeks and the way she actually "lights up " as her husband in the movie fondly remembers her after she passes away in One True Thing (Not a spoiler alert).

I have not been fortunate enough to watch all of Meryl Streep movies but after this one particularly, I definitely will do this by the end of this year.

Instead of going into the details of this movies, I want to touch only one theme which is the highlight of this movie. Meryl Streep (Kate)  and William Hurt(George)  were cast as a married couple in this movie and their daughter's role is played by Renee Zellweger (Ellen) . This movie essentially deals with the time when Renee has to leave her job and take care of her mother as she is suffering from cancer. She has always admired her dad over her  mother.  But, as time passes and movie progresses, she comes to know that her father is cheating on her mother. Then, her perception changes completely about her father and she struggles constantly with this truth which she believes only she knows . But, as her mother is close to her death , she says that "There is nothing which you know about your father that you know and I don't know".  It is  this revelation that finally gives her a sense of relief and brings calmness to her. She is now relieved that her mother knows the truth. It is this theme which I think is something which we all wonder or have wondered. The theme that we think our parents are of certain kind and not the kind we would have wanted them to be and as we grow older, it changes. Sometimes, we get amazed and at times, we are disappointed but then, in between these two, we realise/have to realise ,  how they are human too before being our parent. Sometimes, we suddenly find similarities between us and them and maybe, we are nothing , but an extended version of them. Yesterday night, I saw my mother listening to music on her mobile while going to sleep which I always did when I was away from home which sometimes I still do. In regard to my Dad, when I make notes, I just copy every word and sentence , the way my Dad makes notes from newspapers daily.
But here, I want to take few steps back and reflect and understand how and why our perception about/against them develops.

Our perception of our life is dominated in the era which is marked by "individualism". It takes proud in teaching that " you can find your happiness in yourself", " learn to live alone", "treat yourself", " only you can give yourself true love". But our parents life was completely detached with this. It was dominated by living in the roles starting from being a son/daughter then husband/wife leading to father/mother. I am not denying the individuality which they possessed, they indeed did. My Parents have their own hobbies which they persue independent of any external force.
But here we are, reading articles and quotes focusing on our life and convincing ourselves to not put our happiness into other's. Not to justify this or other way of living life, but these are two poles apart view of living life. The very act of putting yourself at the center of your life marks a beginning of million decisions which has "I" at the beginning and at the end. If sometimes when done in excess , it leads to not holding onto things because why to give anyone else the "power of happiness". 

But their way of life was about fulfilling the roles designated by society and they found their happiness in that. Then we entered their life and their entire existence focused on us. It has resulted in few literally choking their children with their own unfulfilled dreams.
Technology has catalysed this difference by bringing in our knowledge  the myriad way of parenting which leads us to question them more. But unlike us, they are still away from it.
Our equation with them assures us that we would be such understanding and cool parents, but as William Wordsworth says, "The Child is father of the man". So, maybe our children would defeat us too. Our ways of parenting would get defeated in front of them and then we would have to start from scratch and unlearn the perception we assumed about how we would be with them.

Coming back to the movie, in the end it is shown that Ellen understands her dad, how he still loved her mom and they are shown as sitting together at her mother's graveyard. Her resentment towards her father are shown as mellowed down and they are together remembering the mutual person between them.