Going back: Part 1

Every blog from now till I am going to earn money next time in life will have a hint of guilt because as one of my close friend, Farha said a month back that, blogging is something which only rich people do.


This time, this is about a habit I always naturally had but then in past few months, I stopped believing in the charm of it. I took it for granted and underestimated it's potential. I resorted to the complete opposite of it and it has done some good, but harm as well. Perhaps, when our certain natural habits turns against us, we want to overcome it to acquire new unfamiliar territory , only to realise that all that was needed was certain amendments to it and not complete erosion.

But the time has come, to resort back to it and have faith in it. It is " not saying everything which bothers you" but with the supplement that "do say, if it is bothering you too much".

Saying everything which bothers you is a romantic concept. It means " more communication" which should be directly proportional to "clear communication" and indeed, the moment when we would witness the particular " action" we want .

But almost as everything in life, it has a downside too. If we do say everything which bothers us to the people around us, we lose our capacity of letting things go. We continue to hold on to it and only become harsh on ourselves. We doubt ourselves and replay the words again and again till we exhaust ourselves. Analysing a situation zillion times would not help. We lose trust in people and emotions. Not only their, but our emotions too.

I have been doing it for so many months that I left back the habit of "trusting people". They would be the correct people or not for the trust , is another concern. But then if trusting people is your innate virtue, one which always made you proud about yourselves then why to leave it? Why to resort to " communicating everything" and trying to control the situation and people?

Saying everything to some extent makes us bitter. Not only about them, but us also.

It takes our energy and creates more disappointments.
It has made me aggressive at times. In my eyes, I was being assertive but I became aggressive and aggressiveness is one of the biggest turn-offs in the world because it creates to some extent the same emotion in other person and we at times do not realise when we became aggressive. Them being aggressive would in turn make me feel guilty and then the situation is in unchartered territory rushing towards me with guilt.  Ah! Then I just want to run away as "guilt" is my childhood friend and the last feeling my heart wants to feel is this.

But a positive supplement is " do say, if it bothers you so much". At times, all that head is filled is with frustation and disappointment and "why did they do/say this?, but more importantly, " how can I say/do this?

Then, the only weapon at hand is just saying it. Slowly with the help of the pep talk from my younger brother, Subhom  and darling " Mahima", I am learning to articulate the "art of putting it in a better way". Only baby steps have been taken till now but then, few years and I wish to see myself saying it all in such a meaningful way that I say what I want to, I get what I want to get done and no guilt as well.
When that day comes, I will be doing Part 2 of this post.