Reminder
Around almost everyone around me(including me) is with someone and I wonder, why? Why have all chosen to be with someone? Are we not sufficient for ourselves? Are our friends and career concerns not enough to deal with life that we have taken up this long unpaid internship upon us?
As day passes, I get to know one more friend is with someone and the discussions always comes down to one question, is he the right person? Is he your Kesariya Balam or the one at whom you look and sing in heart, Ek din Aap Humko Mil Jayenge , Phool hi Phool Rahon Mein Khil Jayenge?
Fortunately the question has shifted from , is he the one to is he the right one? But the dilemma is there, both questions are subjective and debatable. While, the one probably never existed, the right one has to fulfill a long list consisting of empathy, sensitivity, knows what is gender equality and power dynamics, importantly, at least trying to unlearn what patriarchy has filled him ( and we also) with.
I dearly wish there was a clear answer to this, a fixed answer which would lessen our generation's worry , which does believe in moving on faster than before but they also stay, sometimes repeating earlier generation's trait of staying when one should clearly move on. While my brother gives me fixed straight answers, stay or move on, a women's heart is I am maybe biased , but it gives more benefit of doubt than men, it waits for the change, for that shift in behavior which would justify the decision of staying.
While we choose to stay or not, we choose to love the way we always thought we would with completely pouring out our heart or playing safe in starting and slowly see if this is worth it or not, I hope we all remember that in midst of all these, we do remember that our heart even if heartbroken will heal, it will love again. It will love again, not men but before that love itself . We also might fall in love like never before and actually do meet the person we always wanted to, but we never deviate and shift our focus from our career because our career is not just about our resume, our family's hope, society's validation, it is the route to our independence,our peace of mind, that moment when we won't have to hesitate before splurging on ourselves.
We have to internalize the fact that our mum, our grandmothers, all of our fore mothers did not have this opportunity and we are not only lucky or very lucky , rather very to the power of infinity lucky . Our ancestors have brought us to this junction where we have the luxury to take break, study till late 20s and shift jobs according to our interests.
There are few moments when we look at our earlier generation and feel as if we are superior to them but we are not , as the world has shifted so much in few decades only and we have a long way to go .
There can be many reasons for not chasing our dreams but I hope us being with a person is never the one. I hope our next generation look at their mothers, grandmothers and feel that while we did love with all of our heart, we also chased our dreams with all of our heart. The big picture, that love is here, love might not be there but us, our identity will have to be there is a fact.
This post is to more than anyone else, is a reminder to me.
As day passes, I get to know one more friend is with someone and the discussions always comes down to one question, is he the right person? Is he your Kesariya Balam or the one at whom you look and sing in heart, Ek din Aap Humko Mil Jayenge , Phool hi Phool Rahon Mein Khil Jayenge?
Fortunately the question has shifted from , is he the one to is he the right one? But the dilemma is there, both questions are subjective and debatable. While, the one probably never existed, the right one has to fulfill a long list consisting of empathy, sensitivity, knows what is gender equality and power dynamics, importantly, at least trying to unlearn what patriarchy has filled him ( and we also) with.
I dearly wish there was a clear answer to this, a fixed answer which would lessen our generation's worry , which does believe in moving on faster than before but they also stay, sometimes repeating earlier generation's trait of staying when one should clearly move on. While my brother gives me fixed straight answers, stay or move on, a women's heart is I am maybe biased , but it gives more benefit of doubt than men, it waits for the change, for that shift in behavior which would justify the decision of staying.
While we choose to stay or not, we choose to love the way we always thought we would with completely pouring out our heart or playing safe in starting and slowly see if this is worth it or not, I hope we all remember that in midst of all these, we do remember that our heart even if heartbroken will heal, it will love again. It will love again, not men but before that love itself . We also might fall in love like never before and actually do meet the person we always wanted to, but we never deviate and shift our focus from our career because our career is not just about our resume, our family's hope, society's validation, it is the route to our independence,our peace of mind, that moment when we won't have to hesitate before splurging on ourselves.
We have to internalize the fact that our mum, our grandmothers, all of our fore mothers did not have this opportunity and we are not only lucky or very lucky , rather very to the power of infinity lucky . Our ancestors have brought us to this junction where we have the luxury to take break, study till late 20s and shift jobs according to our interests.
There are few moments when we look at our earlier generation and feel as if we are superior to them but we are not , as the world has shifted so much in few decades only and we have a long way to go .
There can be many reasons for not chasing our dreams but I hope us being with a person is never the one. I hope our next generation look at their mothers, grandmothers and feel that while we did love with all of our heart, we also chased our dreams with all of our heart. The big picture, that love is here, love might not be there but us, our identity will have to be there is a fact.
This post is to more than anyone else, is a reminder to me.
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