Quitting

 On Diwali, there was a Diwali message I was absolutely sure about not replying to. But my close friend suggested me to still reply. I did. My another close friend, gave me wisdom about keeping some amount of love in our heart always for family and people around us immaterial of their actions. 

Another dear friend has asked me continuously about my well being this year. All of these are hard tasks. If done once a year, these are easy. But everyday? Three times a week? It is nerve wrecking.

Some small suggestion in one or two lines, like keeping some amount of love for everyone around us always is a seemingly implementable task.  But , our poor heart knows that the implementation part is so huge. A whole life is not enough to say that yes, I was able to keep tiny bit of love for everyone, including ourselves !

It is nerve wrecking because it requires one to overcome the constant anger within us and still reply, text, call and even think good qualities about people. It is some  impossible task. I have done it for long time but I wanted to leave it this year, actually last year. I wanted to quit on everything, everyone except of course my degree. About this, I have been quite sure. It might not give me a job, but it is a one joyful experience. Masters degree through online mode? I wish I would have known this, I still would have done it. 

But , quitting? Why to quit? Is it important? Sometimes, yes.

It is quitting which makes us confront our build up fear from years. If I would have known that quitting is not giving up all the time, I would have done it more with less insecurity. 

Quitting is not an act of failure all the time , in fact quitting can be a synonym of holding on too. 

    We quit a job so that we continue to have enough faith in us to work for a new job. 

    We quit on love before becoming cynical about love, to save our capacity to love, to try to be a              good lover and to continue loving,  maybe the same person or maybe someone else. 

    On Friendship? I guess in the hope that quitting will refresh and make us remember how and why we     started being friends even. What was the element that we have taken for granted in these years gone         by? 

But I again feel, I am an inch closer to being there where I started. I have quit enough.I like friends who tell me to reply to a Diwali message. I like friends who suggest me to rise above the depth of sadness life brings sometimes and still keep love for parents in heart. I like friends who text me continuously asking about me. I like the fact that most of my close people are female. It is tough, the final act of quitting or not quitting, but it is perhaps much beyond what the extreme definitions of either being a glorious act or an extremely week one.